04 June 2008

I watched Sex and the City so you don't have to.

Where do I start, my dog agility friends? These were my old friends, we used to drink Cosmo's together and totter around the city on our super high heels. We went our separate ways for a while, grew older and got some wrinkles, some of us got more dogs, and now we are back together in a sparkly and shiney movie FILLED WITH SUPER EXPENSIVE YET COMPLETELY INSANE CLOTHES!

How do I explain it to you, in terms that are clear and consistent, and we can all relate to? And no more Derrida. Ever. How about, let's pretend we are at a dog agility trial, it is the USDAA Nationals. And we all have our own motorhomes, the biggest, fastest, wood paneled and air conditioned motorhomes, with little pools for the dogs out front and we park them all together and we have butlers to fix the dogs snacks and spray them down with cooling mists. We actually have minions of servants to do everything for us and bring us frosty margaritas on gold plated trays. We might fret and fuss about not getting a Q, we might get cranky, but we can always retire to our motorhomes, have another cocktail and a good laugh. And we are there for each other, that's what's important, Right?

Then, one of the popular dogs who is supposed to be in the Big $10,000 Steeplechase Finals gets a sore foot, and we are all boo hoo hoo and some people are like, so what? And there is a lot of crying and weeping but you know what, we are there for each other. And that dog dies a slow and awful death. But we go on vacation and shopping and buy tons of new Skorts! And goretex shoes and slip-on Vans with every pattern known to mankind and have a cocktail. And we have flat stomachs! And then there is some more shopping and some of the friends get in a little fight but then we go shopping again. And eat in a lot of restaurants that only serve food on large square plates and order not one but 2 bottles of wine whenever we want! And buy new motorhomes that are decorated inside by Ralph Lauren with orignal Hopi woven fabrics and furniture made by glueing millions of tiny sticks on things.

That sort of goes on and on. And then, there is what some of you might think is a happy ending, because the dog didn't really die, HA HA on you in case you were weeping over that sore foot dog. It is all BETTER now! I was thinking the end was sort of all wrong and Carrie should have turned out to be a heroin addict. And Samantha gets terminal cancer and is an alcoholic and Miranda becomes the defense lawyer for some members of the Bush family and has to write briefs about how they have Nothing To Do With The Oil Prices, and Charlotte, she is just Charlotte except maybe her kids have horrible behavior problems and she becomes inconsolable with her beautiful, popping brown eyes and she starts getting fat and becomes addicted to a seedy chatroom and never comes off that computer.

Oh Carrie Bradshaw. You are so beautiful and you wear so many things we could have worn for dog agility. And you used to write such neat little voiceovers for every episode where there was some kind of moral for every little story about shopping excesses and love gone sour. You are my writing inspiration, you sit there typing on your silver laptop computer just like mine, in your argyle thigh high stockings stretched over your long ballerina legs. And you have long and messy hair which looks artful, even when you wear a turquoise bird on the side of it. But you kind of pulled a stinker here with this one, like we live in an economy today where we think it's funny to watch 4 rich and vapid ladies the exact same age as me frolic around, flaunting your riches and excesses and partying like it's 1985 and you love Ronald Reagan. Or like you are all Scarlett Ohara's, you and your friends, before Atlanta burns, and you are really nice to what you heard was the "hired" help, and on a special occasion, you buy them a special handbag, one that you already have to keep your dog treats in.

4 comments:

Mary Schultz said...

Things have gotten very Bad! (As in Better!) I realize that I have grown accustomed (addicted) to starting my day with TSD Blog. Never fails to add a little jauntiness to my step as I head out for a Long Day. (Some days longer than others, like today.)
So, like several others, I freak out when there is no TSD in the morning. (Thank you Laura for keeping my freak-outs to a minimum. Think about vacationing in places with wireless access, though.) But NOW, I find myself expecting to visit TSM Blog to see what TSM Blog readers have said in response. So, it's just a little disappointing when there are none. :-(

My theory on this is that some blog posts are just so very and incredibly awe-producing, that no one ventures to comment on Perfection, e.g., the one about the walk around the TSM neighborhood a week or so, ago.

May this has happened today, as well. On the other hand, maybe everyone is having one of those Very Very Long Days.

OBay Shelties said...

Oh I really like your vision of agility trials ala sex in the city! Change it from Margaritas to Pimms and it is exactly like our agility in England! Just ask your agility boyfriend. :-)

BTW I am still want to go to see the movie but no one here will go with me! I may have to be sad and go by myself as I do not think the hubby will go either. :-(

team small dog said...

My husband actually went to the movie because, I am not sure why. I also took a pen but no paper thinking, as a movie reviewer, I should take a pen but it's really dark in there and I had no paper. There were not a whole lot of men in that movie theater, and a lot of the ladies had dressed up in fancy dresses that have those kind of hems that make a bubble at the bottom of the dress, and I think they might have dressed up like that in Honor of This Movie. I might note Gary liked the movie better than I did, but not tons, but he never wanted to leave the movie, which I did except I did want to stay to see what other costumes they might come up with, which was the Super Good Part of the movie.

I believe what happens Mary, is that the whole awe part makes people sometimes drop a jaw, sometimes scratch a head, and sometimes renders speechless but frequently not speechless in a good way. This used to happen in the era of the art shows all the times. Sometimes it would be followed with a weird review in some lesser journal. Sometimes a weird review, sometimes a Stink Ass review, I believe never a Glowing review. Lucky we have you for that now. But also lucky for us I am thick skinned and just enjoy Carrying On Blindly.

Ann said...

I'm so glad the sore foot dog didn't die in your review! Whew!

I saw the movie, and have to say that your review is perfect, Laura.

The Samoyeds and the Border Collie puppy and I want a Ralph Lauren motor home with minions. That would be Excellent!! (Yes, we do AKC agility.)