I am so busting that criminal.

So, when I left the house last night to go get some dinner, on my desk was my friend Bluetooth. Who was a present from my friend Tash. Who I am going to really need soon so I don't go to car jail because I am a total car phone talker. Is like my office hours, during my drive. And it is going to be The Law soon that you use Bluetooth. And you know me. Never breaking any laws here.

So when I got back to the house, Bluetooth was gone. There is exactly one suspect who is the type that would climb up on a desk and snatch a Bluetooth. Let's use our detective powers here. Because I am one helluva good detective.

Timmy. No. Not even possible. He has been doing pretty darn good for Timmy, like somehow got a new lease on life, a life that involves sleeping all the time and spinning donuts in the front yard. In his blind and dementia-y state, he is off the hook instantly. He hasn't done something naughty like that since like 1999 or so. Like so previous millenial. So nineties. Did you know music from the nineties is classic rock now? Yes. I heard Social Distortion on the radio then Built to Spill then Elvis Costello then the giggling college girl radio DJ said something how they are oldies. Crap.

Anyways. Ruby. I think not. She goes for food. Bluetooth is made of plastic and computer parts. Bluetooth is my cyborg maker, my robot friend that talks to my phone with little blinking red and blue lights and helps me hang up on people when I am supposed to be answering the phone. Bluetooth has no food. Were Bluetooth made of sausage or catfood or pie, we would suspect Ruby. Sister Mary Ruby, you are off the hook.

Otterpop. Has been known to chew items but only chews items made of wood or stuffed animals. Did have that phase of chewing all the vintage plastic skeletons and deer I had stuck in my plants because what is a potted plant without a skeleton and deer. But that was in her puppy days as I recall. Otterpop is four years old now. More of a howling bad dog when we leave her at home. It was very nice and quiet when we pulled up. Possibly was a good dog during our dinner. Otterpop, you are off the hook.

Gustavo. Who was Overjoyed when we walked in the door. Who leaped onto my legs like a short person with tiny long legs, like a little dwarf penguin with a skinny little body and the legs of a shrunken colt. Who thought the party was just starting, and had no idea we were enjoying frosty margaritas in festive large cups without him. Hiatus from Dirt Nite means margaritas, baby. Gustavo. Who enjoys eating my glasses. A book. A credit card bill. Money. I am ONE HUNDRED PERCENT SURE you have eaten Bluetooth.

PS-Speaking of cyborgs, my friend Blogger is kind of an asshole and doesn't always work. So don't panic when you come to read about another exciting chapter in the life of Team Small Dog and we are not here. You just throw a rock at Blogger when you see it. Um, but not THROUGH your computer screen, OK? Gustavo totally ate the wrong technology but that's just our Gustavo.