Did you ever dream that you were a dog agility super champ except then it switched and you were at some germy, grungy, derelict seaside park in the dark and the carnies were actually drug addled zombies that were shambling after you with hammers and their big teeth? And then as you're trying to escape your way out from under their oily, horrible claws by clambering up a rat infested palm tree, you're all, this is about dog agility like, how?
30 May 2008
Our Consistent Handling System, Part 1.
Look who's in my computer. My agility boyfriend, Greg Derrett! He talks like Kate Moss. He probably knows her. So the only thing is, my Agility Boyfriend Greg, in the first 30 seconds of talking to me in my computer, he showed me pictures of border collies tugging with frantic border collies running circles around them and said that by the time I am seeing this, I have trained my dog to always: Play Under Any Kind of Distracting Circumstance Because It is Highly Motivated By You Regardless of His Environment. Check. Hi Gustavo, we got that?
The the border collies are running around in circles while his dog has a perfect stay, and he says I have trained my dog to have a solid wait Regardless of What is Going on Around Me. Because the border collies are running and running and his dog is just sitting there, drooling at the thought of running out to him and doing some jumps when his Kate Moss voice says, "OK!"
Then, he said that I have taught my dog directionals. And we saw his dog jump about a course with him nowhere in sight but I could hear his sweet Kate Moss voice calling out, "Close! Back! Close! Back! " to make the dog turn and jump and turn and jump and turn and jump and he is sitting in the lawn chair with margarita. Or a pint of Guiness? What do we drink in England, Bernadette? And I suspect there are no ugly Home Depot lawn chairs in England but just lovely garden furniture. So that's where he's sitting with his nice English drink. Gin and tonic maybe?
You know what my DVD is called, right? Great Dog. Shame About the Handler. This may be painful. You know what? I watched the season finale of Lost instead.
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6 comments:
Your agility boyfriend is telling you to go back to Agility Kindergarten, i.e buy the previous one of his (very expensive) videos. Then you get to listen to lots more lovely Close! Back! Close! Back! voice, but you also get to watch the outtakes where the border collies gleefully channel Gustavo. If you know what I mean.
Yes! We have borrowed it on video and I have to remember how to do videos and not DVD's. So we are skipping ahead. I did watch this one years ago very religously when I first started agility but apparently have forgotten some things!
We drink Pimms if we are very posh English people. :-)
that handling system sounds awfully impressive....
In Ingerlund the drink would be Pimms.
:-) Pimms is lethal. You drink this lovely refreshing fruity drink, usually sitting down at weddings or the Queen's garden party etc. And then you stand up and fall over.
PS. I have never seen Pimms served at an agility show. Probably for the best.
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