18 December 2007

Some nice things to do when you're a bad dog.

OK. So when you go out and leave 4 dogs together in a tiny little house, what do you expect they do?

Well, one of them is Timmy. I am thinking he sleeps. He is pretty hard to wake up, and he can't hear anything anyways. Or see much. So he likes sleeping. The other 3 they are used to sleeping much of the day at work. Don't they want to sleep away the day too?

Or perhaps eat a table full of bills. And one pantone color swatch book. The bills included the itemized statement for my tooth. Remember when I used to not have a front tooth and I looked like a pirate crack head? Now I have a real nice genuine fake tooth. But I will be paying for it for a long time. Except Gustavo ate the proof. What kind of dog eats bills? From on top of the kitchen table?

Or perhaps it would be a nice thing to run through the house, askewing rugs and pillows and chairs and blankets. This is a popular activity when confined to the indoors, actually it is happening right now. The running, but not the mayhem of decor items. What do they DO that makes the interior decorating look like long arm knuckle swinging apes were waltzing around all drunk in my house? Is that bad dog training? Should I have them all on down stays instead of screeching around the kitchen with earless stuffed squirrels in their mouths? It is good exercise, even if it seems sort of mayhemmy. I haven't really asked any real dog trainers if they let their dogs do this. It wouldn't work with 3 border collies I guess. Maybe if you had a real big house. It's sort of proportional? If it's wet outside, then they are too muddy so tearing around outside just makes it worse. And the hole digging in the mud is just no good.

It's not like I don't provide them with items and nice things to do. Including the popular Squirrel Hut. Squirrel Hut is so popular it can even cause short faux dog fights. It is a stump with tiny squirrels that go in the stump windows. Put squirrels in, take them out. Squeak squirrels, eat squirrel hut. I rarely actually buy a dog toy (here, play with this nice stick!) but then I saw Squirrel Hut. Squirrel Hut was so popular for a couple weeks that no contraband was eaten in my house. And for some magic reason, it's made in China-ness seems to have constructed it from non destroyable fabrics! Stumps! Squirrels! Now I think Squirrel Hut's fun has worn off. The thrill is gone. Now the fun has switched to climbing on the table where the bills are. Gustavo, I am one HUNDRED PERCENT sure it was you who ate the dentist statement.

The cat can cause hours of fun. It usually won't come in the house but sometimes I try to train it to enjoy life as a house cat for like 5 minutes and it becomes the big fat dog toy too. it is big, it can hold it's own, it was born in a garbage dump. It kicks neighbor cat ass. It is mayhem though if everyone wants to get the cat. And causes loud dog noise.

The noise can continue if I leave 3 dogs alone together in a tiny little house. To take Timmy on his own, nice slow walk. I've heard it. I can't say that it's barking. It starts off with Otterpop making this weird yelling Noise. Then Ruby starts in with, hmm, maybe a shrieking, chirping, high pitched howing type sound. Then there is screeching banshee howling lately since they taught this trick to Gustavo. Ha, but I can out trick them. I just wait in the driveway til it gets good and loud then yell at the house STOP IT NOW and it stops.

God my neighbors must think I'm insane. Neighbors, I bought them squirrel hut! I don't always hide in the driveway, yelling! I give them sticks and bones! Do you like the dog agility items starting to stack up in the driveway (thanks for the contact trainer Sue!) and seeing me running around with a dog hanging onto a piece of braided up fleece scraps by his teeth? Flicking cheese chunks at him while clicking targets? Hi Neighbors! I'm trying to rebrand a whole entire sport here! Come on over!

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

these stories are just funny. I have 2 dogs and 2 rabbits. Used to have just 3 dogs. The 3rd one died a couple years ago of some weird cancer-like, but not cancer, disease. She was the one who killed the rat. I used to come home and find every pillow on the floor. All my couch pillows, all my chair pillows just tossed everywhere, not to mention every toy they owned strewn about the house. It kinda just made me laugh to know they had tons of fun while I was gone. I'm liking this squirrel hut you've described. One of my dogs, Jesse, she loves rats/rodents in general...but she just wants to play with them. Once, my husband caught her in the backyard with a rat in her mouth...he said DROP IT...and she did. It wasn't dead. She was just holding it. Weird dog.